Monday, March 23, 2009.

Because today is my dad's birthday, i'm again forced to be in Toronto. My mom bought my dad a bunch of birthday stuff, and I wish she didn't, because he would never do the same for her, and it's not her fucking job. They got divorced, for a fucking reason. Adam is fully turning into a fucking jerk, constantly telling me he loves me, then getting new girlfriends. What am I supposed to do? I'm done waiting for people who aren't going to come to me. It's fucking pointless. Josh has been talking to me again, it's good to know he doesn't hate me, and that I have one more person who will be there for me when I finalyl do go over the edge.

Sunday, January 11, 2009.

So last night, I made the epic choice to do another candy. I did one the night before too, except, it's 9:11 in the morning, and I haven't slept this time. I still feel kinda sketchy, I hope it goes away soon! All night I talked to Kyra, Tyler, and Alex, but Alex just ran off to the shower, so I'm stuck here, in Toronto, alone, with no one to talk to, and no smokes. Oh, that's right, I'm in Toronto because my mom thought it would please her to cause a fight, and in the end the cops were called, I got taken to the hospital in an ambulance, and then my sister and I came down to stay at my dads.
I still feel the high from the candy, and I hate feeling it alone. Last night, Adam came up to see me, and we kissed while waiting for his bus and he was holding me, it was amazing, I was so happy! He's so amazing, and cute, and funny...

Thursday, December 18, 2008.

Lynds was just over. For some reason I always seem to wake up to her already being here. I have to go to Toronto for a week tomorrow at 2:00. I'm fully not excited, I'm not going to get to see James. My mom is still in the process of making my sister and I feel like complete shit because were spending Christmas at my dad's house, Lyndsi is coming with us too.
I've come to realize that there is one guy, who shall remain nameless, that I have cared about more then anyone. I really never got the chance to see him as more then just a friend, and right now I'm even helping him deal with this girl that he say's he loves more then anyone he's ever known. As heartbreaking as it is, I want him to be happy, and I guess that's why I'm helping him get this girl back. He always asks me why I'm so nice to him even though he thinks he fucks everything up, how can I not be nice to him? He's the only one that helped me in the summer with this whole lieing to people issue, he basically saved my life. He doesn't really know this, I kissed him once, but nothing after that happened. He's in Denmark right now, that fully gives away who it is, but the chances of him ever reading this are like, zero.
I miss James, alot, alot alot.
I also really miss Adam, alot.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008.

I dated Josh for three years, as of November 1st, it was on an off, but we were pretty much always together. Were not dating right now, he has a new girlfriend, and I really like this other guy, but I still miss Josh. He was a really horrible boyfriend by far, he hit me, he yelled at me, he cheated on me, and he lied to me. Even though he did all that, he was still capable of being the most amazing person ever, I could fall asleep in his arms and not have to worry about a thing.
He had a serious drug problem, and he's been in jail four times now, the first time was for beating up the guy I was dating, Chris. The second time was for breaching his probation and coming to my house past 11:00 pm. The third time was for missing his court date, his probation officer tracked him down by stalking me for three weeks. The fourth time, which is the most recent time, and the longest time, he was in there for getting caught car hopping with Justin, and he was also charged with helping my friend Jason stab a taxi driver, and stealing like over 1600$ in credit cards, both of which he actually had nothing to do with. Either way, the whole time this was going on, he was addicted to E, weed, and crack. We weren't really dating, just seeing each other, I couldn't just throw him out of my life, he really needed someone.
He's gotten a lot better now, but since the last fight we got into, which was about his friend Nikkol, we haven't talked. He was jealous because his best friend Nikkol doesn't want to be his friend anymore, cause Josh changed when he started seeing Jess, and he changed fully for the worse.
That's not my only big problem right now, I accidentally some how got into a relationship with this guy Tyler. I'm not exactly sure how, but I did. I don't really like him though, and he's already said I love you, and it's been two days, red flag right there. I don't know anything about him except that he's my best friends Lyndsi's friend, and that he works are Tim Hortons. I can't hurt him cause he's a nice guy, but I really don't want a relationship so soon after Josh.